Are You Devastated After Discovering That Your Partner Has Cheated On You?
Has your relationship been shattered by infidelity? Perhaps you’ve noticed that you and your partner have been growing apart, focusing more attention on other friends and activities. Now, the revelation of an affair has forced you to take the blinders off and see your relationship for what it has become.
Maybe there has been an increase of crossing emotional boundaries, such as spending more time with someone else than you do with your partner. Or perhaps all constructive communication between you and your partner has stopped. Now, there’s only arguing and yelling, mainly about what behaviors motivated the cheating in the first place.
But no matter how much damage the affair has caused, perhaps you’re not ready to end your relationship just yet. Your history together is what motivates you to find a way to rebuild the trust you once had, but you just don’t know where to start.
Do you wish you could talk about your relationship problems in a more constructive way, without falling into arguments? Are you ready to meet with someone who can help you reestablish mutual trust and address the issues in your relationship that have left one or both of you unsatisfied?
Infidelity Doesn’t Have A Universal Definition
Infidelity is a heart-breaking event that affects many relationships. One thing that makes this issue so complicated is how “cheating” is defined in the first place. Many couples have their relationship crumble over time by several instances of “micro cheating” (small actions that could suggest infidelity). Often, micro cheating is how full-blown cheating begins: texts and emails to the “other” man or woman, perhaps ones that get deleted so they won’t be discovered.
Technology has helped make infidelity incredibly easy (and difficult to define). Micro cheating can look like reconnecting with old flames via Facebook, sexting, sending racy photos via Snapchat (in which they only last a few seconds before disappearing), or looking at pornography. It can be hard to decipher when a seemingly innocent dialogue online crosses a line into dangerous territory. In many cases, the cheating accusations are not always clear-cut. One person may insist that their partner betrayed them, but the other doesn’t understand why their actions were so hurtful.
No matter how you define infidelity, there is one thing you know for sure: you feel hurt, and your relationship is in trouble. Working with an experienced counselor can help you navigate the root causes of the problems in your relationship and teach you both how to work on reestablishing trust and connection.
Creating A “New” Marriage Or Partnership To Repair The Wounds
It’s easy to feel completely shattered if you read an incriminating email between your partner and an old flame or caught them in an otherwise compromising situation. Perhaps you even think that your relationship is beyond repair at that point. But if you and your partner are both committed to fixing what went wrong, you will be amazed at what infidelity therapy can make happen.
My role as an infidelity counselor is to help you reconnect in meaningful ways. Rather than trying to fix the old relationship (or how you interacted and related), I can help you establish a “new” marriage by establishing new communication skills, which can help renew intimacy and emotional closeness. We will also address the feelings of inadequacy that made one of you look to fulfill your needs outside the relationship.
One thing I highly encourage is for both partners to put their phones on the counter at home and have each look at the other’s phone—no prior deletions allowed. If necessary, there are programs available that store deleted texts. The goal of this software is not to incriminate or punish a cheating partner, but to recommend complete transparency and promote accountability.
I understand that forgiveness after infidelity can’t happen right away; there is a great deal of listening and learning that must take place first for the injured partner. Together, we will evaluate what went wrong and work on building your marriage anew. You and your partner will need to learn to do things differently—but do it together. I can help you formulate a plan to do this, as well as a healthy defense mechanism when you feel you’re about to have another argument.
Working on your problems will require a level of commitment that perhaps you never had before. But if both of you are committed to working things out, I firmly believe that you can. Infidelity is crushing and devastating, but it doesn’t have to be a death sentence for your relationship if neither of you wants it to be. Rebuilding trust after an affair is certainly difficult, but it’s not impossible.
You May Have Some Concerns About Infidelity Therapy…
My partner thinks I’m the one who needs help for making them cheat.
Therapy helps establish responsibility and accountability between the two of you. If you can convince your partner to come to at least one or two sessions of therapy, we can discuss the reasons why he or she feels this way and dig deeper to see how it will affect your future together.
I’m too hurt to consider infidelity counseling. I think we need to divorce.
When two people are committed to fixing their relationship, you’d be surprised at what can happen. That commitment is all I need in order to work with you. I would encourage you both to give infidelity therapy a try for a few weeks before making any big decisions about separating.
Is infidelity therapy expensive?
Infidelity counseling is an investment that you are making in your relationship. It’s something that can actually address the issues that have been troubling you in a way that is more revealing and effective than camouflaging the problem with a fancy dinner or a vacation. I can assure you that this is money well spent.
Rebuild Your Connection And Trust With Infidelity Therapy
If you are ready to reach out to an infidelity therapist, you can contact me at (334) 277-1366 for a free 15-minute consultation, to see if we are a good fit. I look forward to hearing from you.